![]() ![]() On another, Ms Letby wrote in capital letters: “I AM EVIL I DID THIS”. I thought I had been incompetent or done something wrong. She said she had difficulty throwing things away.Īsked to explain why she had written “Not good enough” at the top of one note, Ms Letby said: “That’s the overwhelming feeling I had about myself at that point, because of the way people had made me feel. Ms Letby said writing her thoughts down was something she had done all her life and they were private notes “she never thought anyone would read”. Mr Myers then took Ms Letby through a series of jumbled, handwritten notes found at her home after her arrest. The nurse broke down again when Mr Myers asked a question about her cats Tigger and Smudge. Jurors were also shown a picture of her fridge which had photographs of Ms Letby’s parents as well as a handwritten card describing her as “number one godmother”. It had framed pictures of her young godchildren and cousin. There was also a photo of the upstairs landing of her house. Photographs of her bedroom showed cuddly toys on the bed, including Winnie-the-Pooh and Eeyore, while a picture saying “leave sparkles wherever you go” hung on the wall. Ms Letby became visibly upset when looking at pictures of her home, especially her bedroom, and said it was “difficult” to see the place where the arrest happened. It’s just traumatising.” Handwritten card It not only happened once, it happened twice and then a third time. the scariest thing I've ever been through. Ms Letby, who was arrested on three separate occasions, said that she was led to a police station in her pyjamas after the first which took place at her home in Chester in July 2018. Several rows behind, her parents, John Letby, 76, and Susan Letby, 62, listened intently – as did family members of the alleged victims who were sat on the other side of the public gallery. Sitting in the court flanked by two female prison officers, Ms Letby said she is now sensitive to loud noises and new people and gets “startled easily”. ![]() Ms Letby said she is still unable to sleep without medication and has been diagnosed with PTSD relating to her arrest. I don’t think you can be accused of anything worse than that. ![]() Ms Letby, who grew up in Herefordshire before moving to Chester to study nursing, said she felt “sick” when she learnt of the scale of the accusations shortly after and her “world just stopped”. In July 2016, Ms Letby was removed from the neonatal ward and placed on non-clinical duties. I’m there to help and to care, not to harm.” ‘World just stopped’ When asked by her barrister, Ben Myers KC, whether she had ever intentionally killed, or hurt, any babies, she said: “No, that is completely against everything that being a nurse is. The University of Chester graduate said she had “always wanted to work with children” and first decided to take up nursing while at secondary school. Ms Letby, who was wearing black trousers and a black fitted blazer, became emotional a number of times during proceedings and told the court she had considered killing herself. It is alleged she used various means to murder the children, who cannot be named for legal reasons, including injections of air and insulin poisoning. The 33-year-old is accused of the murder of five boys and two girls, and the attempted murder of another five boys and five girls, between June 2015 and June 2016. Ms Letby has been described by prosecutors as a “constant malevolent presence” at the neonatal unit of the Countess of Chester Hospital. Giving evidence for the first time in her eight-month trial, Lucy Letby claimed she only ever wanted to “care for and help” the children as she tearfully denied harming any of the infants. A neonatal nurse accused of murdering seven babies wept in court as she revealed she had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the “sickening” allegations. ![]()
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